Any funny stories?

[Srentiln]

When I'm between tasks at work, I look up funny anecdotes as a way to make my brain forget that I'm around a bunch of people for 12 hours a work day (keep in mind that I'm introverted, it gets exhausting). It's getting to the point where I'm seeing the same stories over and over, so I'm going to ask the community for some humor from real life. Just so that I'm a contributor to the collection as well, here are two from my dad (put into quotes so that they are separated better):

Towards the end of his time in the army, my dad was stationed somewhere in the North-West US (I never remember which base he said) operating the machine gun out the door of a helicopter. One day, the army was doing a demonstration for the local town and he was "asked" to do a machine gun demonstration. Figuring he would be in the helicopter shooting at some targets, he agreed. Turns out, they wanted him to rappel from the helicopter with a machine gun strapped to his back along with the normal equipment.

As he begins his descent, the machine gun jerks him backwards, causing him to scream out "F*** ME!", which wouldn't normally be heard by anyone else over the sound of the rotors...except he's directly below them. The air being pushed by the blades caused his exclamation to be heard by EVERYONE below, including his commanding officer. He gets to the ground and his CO is FURIOUS, but the mayor was right there with him laughing his head off and telling the CO to give him a break.

During the Vietnam War, my dad was part of a team that was the precursor to what would become the NSA. They spied on North Vietnamese comms from across the border among other things. Fast-forward to a semi-short while back, he was contacted by an old college asking to use him as a reference for a government job. He gladly accepted, and a couple weeks later she calls again to thank him and let him know she got the job. In their conversation, he warned her not to look him up. Taking it as a joke, she of course does just that...and the next day has people from Army Intelligence having a nice little chat with her about her search. Luckily for her, it didn't lead to the quickest termination.

 

[rmanimal]

At around 10, we had been hunting for the eggs. After a while, we had the tradition of also hiding our baskets looted with goodies somewhere in the house. Mom couldn't find her basket after 2 hours. So after another hour from that, she found it, where dad had hung it to the vent hatch in a low ceiling, but high enough to not be obvious. When she found it, dad had to get a stepladder and budge the hatch open to even get the basket out in the first place.

During 4th grade, the janitor was actually really popular. One day it was like he was a celebrity: around two thirds of people years 1-5 were running at him. Just imagine what the custodian feels when 100's of kids are sprinting at you in your honor. Someone literally had to get on the announcements and yell at everyone to sit down back into their class groups after nearly everyone ran like a horde to the janitor.